Annie Steiner Art Blog
I never really believed that she was going to leave us, even when I saw her body giving up to the cancer. The sparkle in her eyes was gone, her cheeks were getting hollow. She used to have a smile that illuminated her whole face! Her laugh was so communicative that you could not help but laugh hysterically with her! I could not accept the idea that she was going, and was almost surprised when I got the call telling me that she was gone.
I had not been able to paint anything satisfying for months while my friend was sick and I felt quite desperate after she passed away. Another friend of hers told me she had been going through the same thing. She would not have been happy with us: she was always bursting with new ideas and creativity. I had to shake myself and find the energy to get back into painting! Grief affects your brain in strange ways. I took a class learning another medium, hoping to breach the dam and allow the creative juices to flow again. It felt good, but I was still "blocked". I finally dragged myself to the old mill where my studio is located. At first I worked on some jewelry that I had planned before all this happened. I was pleased with the result, even though I kept looking sideways at the canvas that was waiting for me on the easel. It kept taunting me, but I was not ready yet.
We decided to go away for the weekend. We took our dog and went to see an old friend in Maine. A few walks on the beach - still a bit cold at this time of the year, but so sunny and peaceful! - lots of seafood, a few glasses of wine, and long nightly talks with our friend who we found a bit lonely and longing for more company. We had done the right thing to go and see her! She loved the little painting of her garden I did last Summer, loved my new jewelry! She gave me faith in myself again!
When we got back I went to my studio and completed the painting I had started months ago. I was ready to go on. Now I can't wait to start the next piece. It will be sunny and smiling, just like my friend in heaven. I named the painting: "Gone to Heaven"
Our friend and colleague Mary Lawler lost her fight with cancer and passed away on March 5th, 2012. She was 56 years old. We will all miss her smile, energy, and creativity.